online dating tips for personal safety
Personal safety has been on our minds a lot the past few weeks (months/ years?). From when my mum first warned me about changing out of my tutu after World Book Day to texting a friend whenever I get home from a party. It’s just something that early on we are made aware of and forced to change our behaviour accordingly. It goes without saying that it totally infuriates me that we are constantly having to make sometimes big, sometimes small adjustments throughout the day, every day of our lives to keep ourselves safe. But, until our culture/ SoCiEtY – we’re getting political today guys, this is a #political blog now – changes, it’s just something we have to do.
These are the best suggestions given by the lovely folx on The Sauce on what to do to keep yourself safe on a first date:
Before the date
1. “Tell a friend or family member where I’m going beforehand and send location updates during.”
This was the most common answer, and naturally it could depend on how well you know the person, but it’s always sensible to do this one.
2. “Make sure I have at least two pals who know where I am and have them on standby.”
Sometimes, things can get a little sticky and you might need to make a quick escape. Even if the person just turns out to be a little weird, have a friend on standby with their phone on loud so you can make your excuses OR if you’re feeling dramatic, have them create a fabricated, elaborate emergency with their pet chinchilla that you simply must attend to!
3. “I screenshot photos of the guy and tell a friend their name or any other identifying information, just in case.”
Personally, I always do this. Which could probably get me into big GDPR issues, but frankly whatevs, why wouldn’t I? This is for a kind of worst case scenario, but preparing to maybe be murdered is just some of the #hotgirlshit we gots to do.
4. “Meet somewhere public – a restaurant or a bar.”
No matter how tempting they make their homemade espresso martinis sound, it’s not worth it. And if they really want to get into your pants, they can wait. Good things come to those who wait and all that...
5. “Aggressively stalk them on the internet.”
Now when I say aggressive, I mean AGGRESSIVE. Cross reference their social media with their Linkedin – this inspired idea came from a friend of mine who has been catfished one too many times and does this as par for the course.
On the date
6. “I share my live location for the duration of the evening with a friend.”
This can sometimes just be a case of giving you peace of mind when on a date.
7. “ I don’t accept a drink or an invite back to theirs if I feel uncomfortable or in any way unsure.”
It’s the end of the night, you’re feeling the vibes, but there’s a little part of your brain that thinks, is this a bad decision? Always trust your gut here.
8. “ If I’m ever not feeling it, I just duck out. Even if I’m in their room and things are getting hot n heavy.”
Remember you don’t owe anyone a kiss, a sex, a drink or a sweet moment of your time. Leave whenever you want to.
9. “I once went incognito on a date at the same time as another friend in a bar, just so she felt more comfortable.”
This one’s a little more extreme (who doesn’t love the dedication of this friend though?!), but it may be a good solution for anyone who has had bad experiences before and is wanting to get back out there.
10. “Ask for Angela at the bar if I feel uncomfortable.”
This is part of a campaign implemented by the Met Police in recent years. If you do end up on a date and feel uncomfortable simply #askforangela at the bar and the staff are trained to support and assist you without alerting your date.
After the date
11. “I’ll text a friend to let them know how it went but also so they know that I’m safe.”
Sometimes, if you’re high off a great first date you can forget to do this!! Don’t. Your friends worry about you, and yes they’ll be thrilled that you forgot to text them because you were making out/ having the best sex of your life/ generally buzzing from that SWEET human connection, but only once they know you’re okay. So make sure that you do.
12. “Usually, I don’t go home with someone on the first date.”
This is obviously entirely down to personal choice! If you feel safe and trust the person, then why not? But for a lot of people that can feel a little riskay and not in a sexy way.
13. “I always have turned on find my friends with my housemates, so they know where I am and when I’m on my way home”.
This is a great, minimal effort way of staying safe. Your housemates can check in when they need to, especially around the time you’re coming home.
14. “If it’s late, I always get an uber. I know that’s a privilege, but I’d spend that much on a meal without even thinking twice about it.”
If you can afford to do this – great do it! Alternatively, Home Safe London has just launched an initiative to contribute £10 towards taxis for those who wouldn’t be able to afford it. Or consider calling a friend on your way home/ having your housemate meet you so you can travel home together.
15. Obviously none because I’m a (jacked) guy. But that’s fully the issue isn’t it?
This last one I’m putting down because, well, isn’t it obvious?
All of us at The Sauce really care about making you feel safe, and take a lot of pride in becoming a dating app that takes you door to door. We will be launching features in app dedicated to addressing female safety, so keep an eye out for that.
If you’re wanting to dip your toe into the pond on online dating, download The Sauce, video profiles decrease the likelihood of catfishing and sends you on dates where you’ll actually meet who you’re expecting to.